When No One Wants to Be the Bad Guy

Healthy churches are built by healthy teams, but healthy team dynamics do not happen by chance. In this series, we have been looking at the foundations of teams that function well. So far, we have seen that they build trust, they engage in healthy conflict, and they commit to decisions.

• But what happens when someone does not follow through on what the team has decided to do? That brings us to the next characteristic of healthy teams, accountability.

In The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni points out that teams often struggle to hold one another accountable. We see a deadline being missed, a hurtful behavior continuing, or a teammate failing to carry their weight, but we hesitate to say anything.

• Usually, our intentions are good; we do not want to hurt the relationship. However, staying silent can actually end up hurting the relationship even more. Frustration builds. Resentment grows. Standards begin to slip. Eventually, we become upset with someone for a problem we never gave them the opportunity to address.

Christian accountability is not about catching people doing something wrong. It is about loving one another enough to help each other grow.

• Here are six ways to build that kind of accountability on your team.

six ways to build healthy accountability

1. make expectations clear

• It is difficult to hold someone accountable for an expectation that was never clear in the first place. Healthy teams make sure everyone understands what has been decided, who is responsible, when something needs to happen, and what good work looks like.
• Clarity makes accountability much less personal. Instead of saying, “I just don’t think you’re doing enough,” we can say, “Here is what we agreed to. How are we doing?” Before confronting someone about a failure, make sure there was a clear expectation to begin with.

2. say something before resentment grows

• Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” If I supposedly care about someone but refuse to tell them something they desperately need to hear, what kind of love is that?
• We often stay quiet because we want to protect the relationship. But silence has consequences. We begin interpreting everything the person does through the lens of our frustration. Real friendship sometimes risks temporary discomfort for long-term good.

3. go directly to the person

• Jesus says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you” (Matthew 18:15). In other words, go to the person, not around the person.
• When something bothers us, it can be much easier to talk to somebody else about it. But healthy accountability happens face-to-face whenever possible. Those conversations may feel uncomfortable, but they are far healthier than allowing frustration to travel through hallways, texts, and side conversations.

4. correct with the goal of restoration

• Galatians 6:1 says that if someone is caught in sin, those who live by the Spirit should “restore that person gently.” Notice both parts. Restore them. Do it gently.
• The goal of Christian accountability is not humiliation, punishment, or proving that I am right. It is helping another person get back on track. That means Christian accountability is less about calling people out and more about calling people back. We are saying, “This matters, you matter, and I want to help.”

5. make accountability everyone’s responsibility

• Paul tells the Colossians to “teach and admonish one another” (Colossians 3:16). Romans 15:14 similarly describes believers as “competent to instruct one another.” Notice the repeated phrase: one another.
• Healthy accountability cannot belong only to the senior pastor, executive director, council chair, or team leader. Healthy teams share responsibility for maintaining the standards they have agreed upon. Teammates care enough about one another and the mission to speak when something is slipping.

6. learn to receive correction well

• Healthy accountability requires two kinds of courage. One person needs the courage to say, “Can we talk about something?” The other needs the humility to answer, “Yes. Tell me.” That second skill may be even harder.
• Correction can feel threatening because we easily confuse what we did with who we are. If someone tells me I failed, I can hear, “You are a failure.” But the gospel gives us another way. Our identity does not depend upon flawless performance. Because grace tells me who I am, I can hear how I need to grow without becoming defensive.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Sharpening involves friction. Some relational friction is not evidence that a church team is unhealthy. Sometimes it is evidence that healthy relationships are doing exactly what God designed them to do. Love gives us the courage to say what needs to be said. Grace gives us the security to hear what needs to be heard.

• Who on your team needs you to care enough to have an honest conversation? And how could you help create a culture where both giving and receiving accountability become normal?