Christmas Conversations

The holidays are a mixed bag for many people. Everyone enjoys a few days off from work (unless you are in retail and the holidays run you ragged). Most also enjoy the Christmas parties and light displays. But the Advent season can be a lonely and searching time for people whose lives are unraveling.

• Family time is great—if you have a family. I think of my friend whose wife can’t get far enough away from him and his son who thinks only of himself. His primary companions are his pets.
• Christmas can also be a poignant reminder of loved ones we have lost. To top off these formidable challenges, financial stress increases anxiety.

The holidays provide us with unique opportunities for deeper conversations with neighbors and friends who need to hear the Gospel.

• Here are a few principles to keep in mind as you converse with your unchurched friends this Christmas season. These are condensed from Sam Chan’s book, Evangelism in Skeptical World.

Four Ways to have deep conversations this Christmas

1. Community is the Key

• We believe something is true when we can point to the evidence or when we have had personal experience. But there is another powerful force that shapes our perception of reality: community. For example, despite the factual evidence that bacteria cause stomach ulcers, many in the medical community refused to believe it for a long time. Why? Because so many of their trusted friends believed it was anxiety that caused ulcers. It’s hard to go against your community.
• What does this have to do with evangelism? Friendship is vital to communicating faith. Not just a friendship with you but with your church family. Community is key to shaping what someone believes. So, whenever possible, invite your unchurched friends into your community of believing friends. For example, my wife and I host a Super Bowl party each year, providing us with a great opportunity to do this.

2. Initiative is imperative

• People used to take the initiative to find a church home, but those days are over. We are surrounded by people who have no interest in church. It is very unlikely that our friends and neighbors who don’t know Jesus will come to us looking for answers.
• However, there is an increasing openness to conversations about life’s deepest questions. Declining church attendance has created a hunger for spiritual meaning. So, GO! Walk across the street, across the yard, across the hall, or whatever stands between you and those who need God’s presence. Take the initiative and see where the Holy Spirit guides your conversation.

3. Coffee first

• People today will talk about sports, movies, food, kids, and work without hesitation. But for many, discussions about religion, politics, and life’s deeper meaning are still too personal to talk about with someone we don’t know.
• So, have coffee first. Talk about the secular, safe things before diving deep into the sacred. But don’t stay there. Go from coffee to dinner. Find ways to move from the front yard to the back yard. In other words, when the opportunity presents itself to cross over into the sacred realm in conversation, which it inevitably does as you get to know someone, lovingly and patiently go there!

4. Listen Well

• People feel loved when they believe someone is genuinely listening to them. I have a T-shirt from Alpha that says, “Love Listens.” I like wearing it because, as I go through my day, I occasionally look down, and those words challenge me. I ask myself if I’m doing what the shirt says, or am I dodging people who will eat of my time (“chew your ear off”)?
• The first and most important part of evangelism is loving people. In order to love people, we must listen. In their book, The Art of Neighboring, Jay Pathak and Dave Runyon challenge us to know our neighbors. They indicate that only 3 percent of Christians could name a handful of details about their closest neighbors. That means that the vast majority of us are not listening well to even the smallest details of the people God has placed in our lives! We can do better.

A Note to Pastors and Church Leaders: On this journey of renewal, you set the tone. As you cultivate relationships with your neighbors it will begin to shape your view of the church. The conversations you have with your unchurched friends and neighbors will begin to spill over into your sermons. In time, as you lean into intentional evangelism, the missional temperature of your church will begin to rise. Let’s turn up the heat!